A confession

I have a confession to make. I have committed a serious transgression, one that if it goes unpunished will earn me expulsion from the Cartel and the undying hatred of all right-thinking and decent bloggers.

I am finding it extremely difficult to type out this post. Even as I type this, a voice within me says, “Don’t! No one will ever know! It’s all right!”

But I will know and unless I own up, I shall never be able to sleep again.

I bought a copy of the One Novel That Cannot be Named, written by The Verbal Terrorist.

No! Don’t look at me like that! I did not even buy a legal copy. What do you take me for? A Mallu? I bought a pirated copy and that too second hand. I didn’t hand her any of my money! I was just strolling along Matunga casually looking at the many roadside bookstalls, thinking “What could be worse than reading an essay by the Verbal Terrorist?” The answer was, “An entire book by the Verbal Terorist” And there I saw The One Novel That Cannot be Named and I don’t know what possessed me and… Hey I also bargained! If she ever writes another novel, it will not be because she got secondary encouragement from my purchase! Why are you staring at me? Look I’d throw it into the fire, but I thought I’d need to be able to have an answer the next time someone says “Her views are crap, but she writes really really well.” So probably I’ll read the thing.

Anyway, I plan to read the book reaally slowly, one page at a time, so that there is less chance that I lose my sanity in one shot, and so that I’ll be able to give you guys a fair warning if it happens.

14 thoughts on “A confession”

  1. I think the punishment for you should be to read the Algebra of Infinite Justice 10 times non-stop.

    Why couldn’t you be like the rest of us and read God of Small Things when it came out. We can all claim that we never would have guessed that the sweet writer of magic-reality-child-molestation would turn out to be a verbal terrorist!

  3. See, you gotta learn a lot from the junior member of the cartel.
    I havent read it at all. And continue to argue vehemently against its very existance at every possible forum

  4. You’re right. I do think you deserve to be expelled from The Cartel for that.

    I only hope that you do not pick up her hyperbole-infested style of writing.

  6. Well what can I say? The Cartel inside me cries out in agony every time I read a page of that book.

    Ravages, nice try, but you aren’t a member of the Cartel yet 🙂 You are much more fun trying to get in.

    And of course, it is existence, not existance.

    And are you claiming that the book doesn’t exist or shouldn’t exist?

  7. Mwaaaah! :'(
    I wanna, i really really wanna be in the cartel, bad spellings notwithstanding.

    I am saying the book ought never have been written. but noe that it is written, let’s all ignore its very existence and live our lives.

    But, please, let me in the cartel!!!!

  10. Yup, you’ve hit on our secret. Whenever anyone anywhere submits a passage to be spellchecked online, the passage goes to a Cartel member to be checked.
    Of course, the Cartel is omniscient, so any privacy concerns are superfluous.

  11. My position is perhaps superior to all others’- I can claim with perfect truth that every time I start reading the book, I am too bored to continue beyond the first fifty pages.

    So, there, I have in fairness tried the verbal terrorist, and found her wanting. Now do I get into the Cartel? See, even my spelling is perfect.

  12. How come there aren’t any women in the cartel? You sexist libertarians!

    You could atleast enroll Ravi’s wife…

  13. I for one would welcome a nice, attractive (single), intelligent, logical, atheist lady into The Cartel.

    Unfortunately, we haven’t found any yet. Got anyone in mind, Shanti? 🙂

    Aadisht and Ravages, The High Council of the Cartel has heard your pleas. We are in the process of formulating eligibility criteria for entry. Look out for that announcement shortly.

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